!!!Security!!!
For me security is just a mere illusion it exists only in our mind.
If you really want to test it just think how many times you cross the road in your entire life you can get killed anytime, you eat food in several places and can die of the food poisining, just anything you see around and you will know nothing is secure, everythinng is secure till it is there in its boundries and only god can guaranty security of anything.
Take me for example, i have a friend who says he is my best friend and we are friends for last 15 years but he never help me in anything instead it was i who helped him everytime, everytime he needed money to buy gift for her GF, i provided him, everytime he needed a helping hand i was there.
He still does not no why i used to come to his house almost everyday though he hasn't visited mine ever in return, i did it because i knew when he wanted a shoulder to cry, when he is falling down, i used to give him advise unnecerraly he never understand the meaning of those they always were the guiding word for him, I have known him since he had first crush on a girl and still know when he is having his 4th affair, hahahahaaaa
now i have set him free to do what he want but i always wanted him to understand the person you are envolved with is a real person, she has real feelings so better back off or show the courage, if ever you need me i will be there, but he never realised it.
I believe this happened in 12 class and continued till his college there was a girl, First i like to say that i really respect her, she was so much in love with him that once she sent a love letter written with her own blood, but for him he was like still judging no it cannot be real blood, i felt like i'll kill you Siddharth, what more evidence you want, same time i felt sorry for that girl, that she fell in love with such an idiot fellow, she used to prepare food for him and used to bring that food for him it was so touching, one day she asked him to marry her and he was in dillema well for me i was like man go ahead if anything is there i will take care, just trust me, i said i don't have any job right now but still i can promise that i can find one for you if you marry her, i said its not money that matters its the people you live with, i said if she really loves you no matter whatever happens you will be able to face all challenges in your life she will support you, i litteraly forced him but he was like, it is not acceptable in our society and anyways i have only kissed her its not a crime, and i was in shock. I thought all he cares about is society hahahaaaaaaaa.
He thinks because he has only kissed her so its not a crime hahahaaaaa for me, even if you would have gone to any extent with her but if it was her decision to seperate or if you both have decided to seperate, that would have been fine, if you love her which you say several times a day then you must support her if any such incident has happened with her in the past treat her like a princess but he was reluctent to listen but still i kept speaking hoping he would understand, i cannot control myself i said
you are hurting her most you cannot see her scars but it will always be there in her mind stopping her to trust anyone again with a guilt she will never be the same, and finally like always he never understand me and said i have some of the responsibilities so i should not marry her, i believe one must always take responsibility of his/her own actions but i don't think the life goes as i expect hahahaaaaaaaa.
Well last time i remember i tried to help him was with some exam it was exam of B.COM., Well after my schooling i took test for IT college and got admission in BTech course but due to some legal difficulties our university changed the course BTech to BSc-IT hahahaaaaaaa.
Well i accepted it and started preparing with my full heart but i got to know our courses are still not recognised with UGC hahahaaaaaa it was like so many tech. jargons but we had no other option i went office to office sometimes visitd other prestegious college to know the meaning of it but they all were reluctent but somehow we managed to gather information and in simple words if our course does not come under University Grant Comission its not legal so we decided to enroll for some other college also for our graduation so here we were i had not much idea about it so i asked Siddharth which course should i opt and he suggested you can opt mine you can do B.COM. so i thought okay in our semesters later on there are some commerce subjects so it might be helpful so we took admission in that. meanwhile our exam date also came close so we started studying our subjects(BSC-IT) and after completion of the exam i straight away started preparing for my BCOM exam i turned day into night in preparation, i never worked that hard ever anyways the result of that was i passed the exam with great scores more than siddharth so i decided till court decision is pending reg our course BSC-IT i will not write any further BCOM exams just to ensure he siddharth doesn't feel bad. well he never noticed it also hahahaaaaaaaaa at least he could have asked me why are you not taking your next sams exam but he never asked that question may be i was just a usual friend for him whose presense never mattered him, he never thought why on his every b'day i used to be the first person to say happy b'day to him though he very often forgets mine hahahahahaaaaa.
then one day he introduced me to his new friend though i know that guy but this time anand was looking very happy, soon i realized that Siddharth's best friend is Siddharth1 and they both loved each others company well i waited for a while then i said god take care of them both and i moved on and i got submerged into my studies as i don't know when but it is hard wire inside me that no matter what happens or what situation comes i must take care of my family and my love at any cost, and as i need to get job in order to support my family i had to work hard with limited resources that i had which includes (one 24 inch cycle, monthly allowance of 100 rs.) so worked harder and slowly-slowly my friends frgot me, i could not forget them sometimes i wait unnecessarly for them hoping that its very long time they might come to see me some day but they never appeared and everytime i needed someone i used to take my cycle and used to wander around just to get tired and fall asleep, sometimes i used to visit their houses like a begger asking for some time but he never had never for me at least everytime he used to say i am busy or i need to bring something, he used to interrupt me if i want to speak out because everytime i had so much to speak hahahaaaaa i've always been a open mouth. but in return he always ask for something like at the end of discussion he would ask vinod i want this or that knowing i will never deny anything for him hahahahaaaaaaa.
well time passed by and i also tried to make friends i was like i will make good friends, then i made one friend Tilak he was a great guy he used to sit with me even after college hours just to see what i am working at, sometimes we used to go to the near by shop to have some snacks days went by and i felt like we are good friends he also says so until one day i needed some help in maths subjects as i had not enough money to spend on tution so thought he is taking maths tution so i can take his help and i asked him Tilak would you help me in maths and he laughed he said you are alrady a master yaar why you need my help i said i have already prepared everything but i just want to be sure and if our maths teacher has taught some new techniques it would be a great help for me in order to resolve questions in less time, he started thinking and he finally uttered "Dekh dost paise to mere bhi lage hain tution main agar tu 500 mujhe de tujhe padhane ke to main shayaad teri koi madad kar sakun" i was like what ??? i had noo other option left so i paid him 500 rs. and learned the tricks most of them i already had only 1-2 were new but later before exam i found out some better ones.
But after that i realized all he was intrested in was my knowledge nothing else, that day i learned one fact there are no friends its just the need so i also started acting that way, if ever i need someone to talk i used to take anyone and just speak my heart out though no one could understand what i was talking about but like a waste material i used to dump them anywhere sometimes among my friends sometimes anyone walking on the road, anyone if its Sidharth or Sidharth1 or Tilak or anyone it didn't matter to me as at that time i could not afford to stay back and cry or just look for some help time kept ticking and i adjusted though sometimes though i still call my friends but they hardly respond, i got to know both Sidharth and Sidharth1 could not do anything once Sidharth called me and said vinod i want to be like you, what you said was all right, i must have not let Nilam go she waited for me very long almost 4-5 years but i don't know where she is.
Its not something unsual to me people often come back to me saying i was right and everytime i hope and pray to god THEY WON'T COME BACK. they just don't understand one simple fact that one should always follow his/her heart or else later it will be in pain if you go against it and that feeling of hurt last for ever, i understand it is very difficult to listen your heart sometimes as it requires great courage but once you are through it will be good for everyone as in heart everybody is innocent.
So this was all about security as i could not ensure that my 15 years old friend will help me or that girl after trying so hard she will be hurt or like my friends thay went with their family tridition and with their comittment but still they are in the middle of no where,
they did not understand one simple fact that life is ever changing and if you really feel something is right you must work on it like, had Siddtharth talked with his family there must have been a chance and above all when someone loves you from bottom of his/her heart he/she accepts your family too and your love for each-other gives you strength to fight, and hold on, he just could not understand that family tridition is for the good of your family and you, just imagine with empty heart how will you face challenges of life or how would you love to your wife's family when you do not feel that way sometimes it becomes necessary to break the rules and form new ones but always take responsibility of that and keeping in mind that you must not hurt anyone while doing so, Siddharth was a very bright student but now he is just a fake personality even after doing M.COM. his fear held him back and he is doing some small job, Sidharth1 he has also ended up with a broken marrige and now struggling to start it all over again, sometimes they call me for advise. Tilak is also doing a small job in the town soon getting married. I have joined my second company just trying to hold on after every blow.
hahahahaaaaaaaaaa.
Because i never tried to hurt my friends i do not have any guilt but, just a feeling they would have been in a better position if i could have explained them better.
But finally its he who decides which way you will head.
Nothing comes without cost you've got to earn it.
If you really want to test it just think how many times you cross the road in your entire life you can get killed anytime, you eat food in several places and can die of the food poisining, just anything you see around and you will know nothing is secure, everythinng is secure till it is there in its boundries and only god can guaranty security of anything.
Take me for example, i have a friend who says he is my best friend and we are friends for last 15 years but he never help me in anything instead it was i who helped him everytime, everytime he needed money to buy gift for her GF, i provided him, everytime he needed a helping hand i was there.
He still does not no why i used to come to his house almost everyday though he hasn't visited mine ever in return, i did it because i knew when he wanted a shoulder to cry, when he is falling down, i used to give him advise unnecerraly he never understand the meaning of those they always were the guiding word for him, I have known him since he had first crush on a girl and still know when he is having his 4th affair, hahahahaaaa
now i have set him free to do what he want but i always wanted him to understand the person you are envolved with is a real person, she has real feelings so better back off or show the courage, if ever you need me i will be there, but he never realised it.
I believe this happened in 12 class and continued till his college there was a girl, First i like to say that i really respect her, she was so much in love with him that once she sent a love letter written with her own blood, but for him he was like still judging no it cannot be real blood, i felt like i'll kill you Siddharth, what more evidence you want, same time i felt sorry for that girl, that she fell in love with such an idiot fellow, she used to prepare food for him and used to bring that food for him it was so touching, one day she asked him to marry her and he was in dillema well for me i was like man go ahead if anything is there i will take care, just trust me, i said i don't have any job right now but still i can promise that i can find one for you if you marry her, i said its not money that matters its the people you live with, i said if she really loves you no matter whatever happens you will be able to face all challenges in your life she will support you, i litteraly forced him but he was like, it is not acceptable in our society and anyways i have only kissed her its not a crime, and i was in shock. I thought all he cares about is society hahahaaaaaaaa.
He thinks because he has only kissed her so its not a crime hahahaaaaa for me, even if you would have gone to any extent with her but if it was her decision to seperate or if you both have decided to seperate, that would have been fine, if you love her which you say several times a day then you must support her if any such incident has happened with her in the past treat her like a princess but he was reluctent to listen but still i kept speaking hoping he would understand, i cannot control myself i said
you are hurting her most you cannot see her scars but it will always be there in her mind stopping her to trust anyone again with a guilt she will never be the same, and finally like always he never understand me and said i have some of the responsibilities so i should not marry her, i believe one must always take responsibility of his/her own actions but i don't think the life goes as i expect hahahaaaaaaaa.
Well last time i remember i tried to help him was with some exam it was exam of B.COM., Well after my schooling i took test for IT college and got admission in BTech course but due to some legal difficulties our university changed the course BTech to BSc-IT hahahaaaaaaa.
Well i accepted it and started preparing with my full heart but i got to know our courses are still not recognised with UGC hahahaaaaaa it was like so many tech. jargons but we had no other option i went office to office sometimes visitd other prestegious college to know the meaning of it but they all were reluctent but somehow we managed to gather information and in simple words if our course does not come under University Grant Comission its not legal so we decided to enroll for some other college also for our graduation so here we were i had not much idea about it so i asked Siddharth which course should i opt and he suggested you can opt mine you can do B.COM. so i thought okay in our semesters later on there are some commerce subjects so it might be helpful so we took admission in that. meanwhile our exam date also came close so we started studying our subjects(BSC-IT) and after completion of the exam i straight away started preparing for my BCOM exam i turned day into night in preparation, i never worked that hard ever anyways the result of that was i passed the exam with great scores more than siddharth so i decided till court decision is pending reg our course BSC-IT i will not write any further BCOM exams just to ensure he siddharth doesn't feel bad. well he never noticed it also hahahaaaaaaaaa at least he could have asked me why are you not taking your next sams exam but he never asked that question may be i was just a usual friend for him whose presense never mattered him, he never thought why on his every b'day i used to be the first person to say happy b'day to him though he very often forgets mine hahahahahaaaaa.
then one day he introduced me to his new friend though i know that guy but this time anand was looking very happy, soon i realized that Siddharth's best friend is Siddharth1 and they both loved each others company well i waited for a while then i said god take care of them both and i moved on and i got submerged into my studies as i don't know when but it is hard wire inside me that no matter what happens or what situation comes i must take care of my family and my love at any cost, and as i need to get job in order to support my family i had to work hard with limited resources that i had which includes (one 24 inch cycle, monthly allowance of 100 rs.) so worked harder and slowly-slowly my friends frgot me, i could not forget them sometimes i wait unnecessarly for them hoping that its very long time they might come to see me some day but they never appeared and everytime i needed someone i used to take my cycle and used to wander around just to get tired and fall asleep, sometimes i used to visit their houses like a begger asking for some time but he never had never for me at least everytime he used to say i am busy or i need to bring something, he used to interrupt me if i want to speak out because everytime i had so much to speak hahahaaaaa i've always been a open mouth. but in return he always ask for something like at the end of discussion he would ask vinod i want this or that knowing i will never deny anything for him hahahahaaaaaaa.
well time passed by and i also tried to make friends i was like i will make good friends, then i made one friend Tilak he was a great guy he used to sit with me even after college hours just to see what i am working at, sometimes we used to go to the near by shop to have some snacks days went by and i felt like we are good friends he also says so until one day i needed some help in maths subjects as i had not enough money to spend on tution so thought he is taking maths tution so i can take his help and i asked him Tilak would you help me in maths and he laughed he said you are alrady a master yaar why you need my help i said i have already prepared everything but i just want to be sure and if our maths teacher has taught some new techniques it would be a great help for me in order to resolve questions in less time, he started thinking and he finally uttered "Dekh dost paise to mere bhi lage hain tution main agar tu 500 mujhe de tujhe padhane ke to main shayaad teri koi madad kar sakun" i was like what ??? i had noo other option left so i paid him 500 rs. and learned the tricks most of them i already had only 1-2 were new but later before exam i found out some better ones.
But after that i realized all he was intrested in was my knowledge nothing else, that day i learned one fact there are no friends its just the need so i also started acting that way, if ever i need someone to talk i used to take anyone and just speak my heart out though no one could understand what i was talking about but like a waste material i used to dump them anywhere sometimes among my friends sometimes anyone walking on the road, anyone if its Sidharth or Sidharth1 or Tilak or anyone it didn't matter to me as at that time i could not afford to stay back and cry or just look for some help time kept ticking and i adjusted though sometimes though i still call my friends but they hardly respond, i got to know both Sidharth and Sidharth1 could not do anything once Sidharth called me and said vinod i want to be like you, what you said was all right, i must have not let Nilam go she waited for me very long almost 4-5 years but i don't know where she is.
Its not something unsual to me people often come back to me saying i was right and everytime i hope and pray to god THEY WON'T COME BACK. they just don't understand one simple fact that one should always follow his/her heart or else later it will be in pain if you go against it and that feeling of hurt last for ever, i understand it is very difficult to listen your heart sometimes as it requires great courage but once you are through it will be good for everyone as in heart everybody is innocent.
So this was all about security as i could not ensure that my 15 years old friend will help me or that girl after trying so hard she will be hurt or like my friends thay went with their family tridition and with their comittment but still they are in the middle of no where,
they did not understand one simple fact that life is ever changing and if you really feel something is right you must work on it like, had Siddtharth talked with his family there must have been a chance and above all when someone loves you from bottom of his/her heart he/she accepts your family too and your love for each-other gives you strength to fight, and hold on, he just could not understand that family tridition is for the good of your family and you, just imagine with empty heart how will you face challenges of life or how would you love to your wife's family when you do not feel that way sometimes it becomes necessary to break the rules and form new ones but always take responsibility of that and keeping in mind that you must not hurt anyone while doing so, Siddharth was a very bright student but now he is just a fake personality even after doing M.COM. his fear held him back and he is doing some small job, Sidharth1 he has also ended up with a broken marrige and now struggling to start it all over again, sometimes they call me for advise. Tilak is also doing a small job in the town soon getting married. I have joined my second company just trying to hold on after every blow.
hahahahaaaaaaaaaa.
Because i never tried to hurt my friends i do not have any guilt but, just a feeling they would have been in a better position if i could have explained them better.
But finally its he who decides which way you will head.
Nothing comes without cost you've got to earn it.
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